Betrayal and Marriage
Betrays is probably the most devastating loss a person can experience. Betrayal involves the act of someone violating your trust. Betrayal happens when someone you trust lies to you, cheats on you, or is dishonest toward you. Betrayal violates the presumptive contract, displaces trust and can waver confidence in the relationship. It produces conflict and creates chaos. Betrayal breaks trust. But there is HOPE even when faced with betrayal.
The reason why the betrayal is the most devastating component that exists in the world is because it interupts, or challenges the covenant in a marriage. Some say betrayal is the greatest heartache one can ever face but with MarriageONE we believe that marriage is a covenant and not contract. We believe with the right counsel one can be redeemed and forgiven
Betrayal can appear to be an intentionally behavior, often due to carelessness, and due to one’s weakness. The person who was betrayed believes that the choice was immensely wrong and the one they love neglected to count the cost.
Betray can come as one big blow to the heart or creep in over years. If these tendency show up in you or spouse it is time to confront it and possibly seek counsel. People are now hesitating to get involves with someone regarding to love activity.
Signs of subtle betrayal can be
- no accountability
- no access to each others emails or phones
- secret conversations or text
When a person is betrayed by an individual, they lose trust in that person and hope for the future. By trusting another person, we assume that they would not hurt us. But when they do hurt us, we then have the awareness that this person has the absolute potential to hurt us. Honesty is crucial in a marriage and any relationship.
Betrayal happens due to these two basic roots: deception (not revealing your actual needs to avoid conflicts) and developing a dual relationship while being in a relationship.
Truth over Lies
First why people lie? There are many reasons that a spouse may choose to lie. Here are some reasons why spouses choose to lie.
- Try to protect someone else’s feelings
- To avoid conflict or embarrassment
- Fear of losing their spouse
- Hide something they did or did not do
- Try to maintain the situation
- Or maybe the fear of your spouse sadness
If your spouse has lied to you. Try to remain cool and talk with your spouse or seek counsel if it is too uncomfortable. Do not try to set a situation where you can catch them in a lie. Let them know that they have been dishonest and you want to try to understand. Gently explain that you feel betrayed, and this is very painful for you. Always give your marriage a fighting chance.
Give your spouse the opportunity to tell the truth? Give the environment to come clean and to explain their action. When we bring things into the light, exposure will be the first step toward healing. Let them answer and hear them patiently.
Cheat or Choice
It is a very sensitive and awkward time when your spouse cheats. Finding out that your spouse has cheated can hit like a ton of bricks. When faced with such difficult news it may be wise to seek counsel with an experienced coach that can help you sort the situation out.
That doesn’t change your eagerness to want to know why your spouse has done this with you. It is natural and it is hurtful. It could be the result of other problems in your marriage, it may relate to your spouse past, or maybe be unrelated to your marriage. However, the explanation this level of betrayal without delicate advisor could result in a divorce or years of fights and mistrust.
These tips help you to cope after betrayed by your spouse.
- Accept your feelings
- Do not seek for revenge
- Take care of yourself
- Avoid the blame game
- Keep your kids out of it
- Don’t make rash decisions
- Seek counseling
Secret Keeper
Keeping secrets in a relationship is a path leading to dead end roads. Real honest openness from the get go will promote your trust and encourage talks but what if you have been married for some time? Same concept, start with a real honest talk, seek counsel if you can’t open up to one another but commit to NO secrets. Preventive practice in communicating will block secrets and destroy traps that lead to heartbreaks.
If your spouse is showing behavior of secretes, address it immediately. Don’t become a secret agent man or a detective. Confront your concerns in a safe and welcoming environment and share your feelings without making accusations.
Here are effective TIPS to prevent or expose secrets
- Keep lines of communication open
- Have set times that you both discuss your concerns on a regular basis
- Provide a safe place for your spouse talk comfortably
- Don’t Judge their struggles and or confessions
- Don’t laugh or brush off their secrets when they share them with you
- Listen more that talk
- Never shame your spouse
- Do not share your private conversations with others
- Seek counsel if there are areas of concern