couple listening in tin cups

I’m not Single, I’m in a relationship with God

All of us wish to live a long and happy life for the days God has allotted us in this world, but very few make serious efforts towards this direction. In reality, we let life happen when it comes to love and intentional happiness.  We often have more conscious concerns for other areas in our life. It is never too late to set clear expectation for yourself and there should never be guilt in this pursuit.  There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven – Ecclesiastes 3:1

For some your time is now.

The consensus on the subject of marriage and divorce are very devastating and it causes mankind to feel hopeless for the future. This has really affected the contemporary generation where there are more single Christians than before. Most people are looking for their right spouse; however, everyone should change his/her focus and ask him/herself, “besides my desire to get Mr. or Mrs. Right – am I the right person personally?”

This article encourages those who are single either through divorce, widowed or even those who have never married in their life to embrace life the Godly way.

Single Christians face their own set of challenges and pressures. With marriages failing at 50%, we are finding many staying single longer. Through our research and counseling these are the five challenges we hear the most.

  • Simply Not fitting in
  • Jealousy
  • Loneliness
  • Growing old alone
  • Disappointments and frustrations

We often hear singles say, “I thought I’d be married by now.” And although there are more singles than before, they often feel alone and out of place, even at church, work and amongst friends. Churches often have more events for families and married couples but have failed to recognize the singles among them.  Not faulting the church but rather bringing the need to have more community and opportunities for singles.

Jealously is a strong emotion but it happens, especially to singles.  They see and compare their single life constantly to the families around them.

Loneliness, is the biggest fear in being single. This is most spoken about. It triggers fear. The fear of the unknown, fear of who is going to be there for them at the end of the day.

Growing old alone, is another topic for singles, especially those divorced or never married and over 40.

Disappointments and frustrations are impacting singles causing depression, unworthiness and disengagement. Singles often hold themselves hostage in these thoughts, which allows the enemy to get a foothold. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ

(2Corinthians 10:4-5)

This generation is full of human rights activists who at times are influential in decision making. Most business and cooperate offices are managed by people who are less than moral. People are sacrificing family for careers, recreation, money, knowledge and power. It is evident that there are many single moms who are without a family and often left alone to raise the family.  If you are among them, please don’t feel discouraged because God Almighty is your ultimate father and husband in the end.

But not only women are living with singleness, many men have just decided it just takes too much effort these days, and men have lost the position of honor. Marriage to them just isn’t as appealing as it was generations before.

What happened to this generation where 60 years ago women were content to live at home and love their husbands and children? Where the men were manly and loved to be the leaders and entrepreneurs? Where churches were the influence to the world rather than the other way around? This generation has many people who have moved away from the word of God. As a Christian you are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. “You don’t light a lamp and place it under the basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16). Men and women of God must take a stand once more and stand for God, integrity, moral justice and their heritage in the heavenly kingdom. More so to be much safer as a single Christian ensure that you are living within the will of God.

The following are the best tips on how to survive being a single Christian in this generation and the pressure that comes with it.

Ascertain the Will of God in Your Life

Many of us ask ourselves these questions: “How do I know that I am doing what God wants me to do? How do I determine the will of God for my life?” These are good questions. In fact, they are the most important questions you can ask yourself as a Christian. Why? Because our Lord Jesus Christ taught us to pray and say “Thy will be done.” (Matthew 6:10). We all must abide by the general principles regarding the will of God. It is God’s will for everyone to be holy, loving and true. But at the same time, the Lord has individual plans for each person that is varied and unique.

He says, “Come now, let us reason together.” (Isaiah 1:18). Never should you say, “Whom shall I marry or whom shall I be married to? Flipping a coin cannot give you a solution to this. Instead, you will tentatively be giving God just two options when He has already purposely planned your life. Don’t try to limit God to answer you. You should pray for divine wisdom and direction instead.

Be Guided by His Word

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” (Psalms 119:105). In search for God’s will for your life, the Lord says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

The bible has diverse practical ways to discern God’s will in man’s life. Consider Christian counsel; “where no counsel is, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14). When searching for God’s will, find others who have good judgment and will be honest with you. Remember that, “be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners” (1Corinthians 15:33). In other words, don’t get counsel from people whose lives aren’t disciplined; they are probably not in the best position to give you counsel.

Find people who are doing God’s will themselves. They must have a constant spiritual witness. Godly friends can help you take honest inventory of yourself and discover your gifts and talents. They might point you in the direction you were not considering. Observe God’s Providence.

God will often reveal to you what He wants you to do through providential events that happen around you. So, when seeking His will, keep your spiritual eyes open. God often guides us in His will by simply closing doors to some opportunities and opening doors to others.

Whenever God shuts a door in your life, don’t try to kick it down just because it’s what you really wanted. Some of us just don’t want to admit that doors can be closed. Like Balaam, we’re beating our donkey to go somewhere, and we don’t know that an angel is standing in our way. (Numbers 22:28-30) You might even miss the wide –open door full of blessings that’s just around the corner. You won’t see it because of your stubborn tunnel vision. In fact, sometimes our pushing and our wanting something can lead us outside the will of God.

Be careful because everything can go wrong when we are knocking against God’s will to do our own. Make sure that you are following God’s will by going through the open doors in harmony with His word. He will open doors for good relationships as a single Christian when you ask by faith. The bible says, “Without faith, it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God” (Hebrews 11:6).

Engage Yourself in Prayer and Fasting

This is the confidence that we have in him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desire of Him” (1John 5:14-15). When you want to know God’s will, you should pray and He will guide you. You should pray within His will as this is the only condition given in the Holy Scriptures.

If you want to know the will of God, be a friend of God. You only become God’s friend by talking to Him. When the angels were on their way to destroy Sodom, they stopped by to visit Abraham. God asks, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I want to do” (Genesis 18:17). Friends talk about their plans together, so spend more time praying and talking to the Lord. God reveals His will to His friends and servants.

On the other hand, fasting is a deeper level of seeking clarity regarding God’s will. In 2Chronicles the bible says, “When Israel was surrounded by her enemies, Jehoshaphat commanded the people to fast and pray.” In response to their obedience, God gave the nation guidance and deliverance. Fasting clears the mind and helps us separate the carnal desires from spiritual priorities. For the record, fasting does not have to be food. You can fast with TV, social media, or just finding time alone in nothing but quietness because our lives get so noisy and cluttered.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6). You need faith in determining the will of God. If you fast to know His will, and then believe that He’ll show it to you. Be faithful, true and cautious when seeking God’s will. Don’t take unnecessary risks with your soul.

Be Patient and Faithful to Whom You Are

“Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy” (James 5:11). You must determine to be patient in deciding the will of God.

You may say, “But I’ve been waiting so long!” Be happy because, you are better waiting for God’s will to get the right response than rush a head of the Lord and get a wrong solution. You will end up being miserable if you are not patient. “In your patience you possess your souls” (Luke 21:19).

Sometimes God’s will for you is simply to be patient. David says, “For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night” (Psalms 90:4). Apparent delays could mean that God’s will is coming to you in special delivery. While you patiently wait for new directions, continue to do the work at hand with all your heart. Many fail to fulfill the present will of God for their lives because they are longing for something different.

Settle on Your Heart’s Desire

May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your counsel” (Psalms 20:4). When exploring God’s will for your life, don’t forget to consider what you want. Sometimes God will place things on your heart because He wants you to do it. If you are truly converted, God will implant within your heart a burning to do the very thing He wants you to do.

Many times, you’ll pray about something that you want and God’s answer will be, the key to this is in (Psalms 37:4) which says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

Take Note of Your Evidence

In the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established.” (2Corinthians 13:1). If you’ve ever used a GPS device in your car, when you first switch it on, it cannot tell you your location immediately. You need to wait a moment as the device begins to acquire satellites. It will often say “awaiting more satellite strength” or “awaiting better accuracy,” even though it has already given you a direction to go. The same happens when you are trying to discover God’s will. Ask yourself, “what does God’s word say?” if the answer isn’t as you expected, consider the choice that glorifies God. Keep counting your results until you have a decision you can stand on firmly.

“Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2). Many Christians end up doing the imperfect will of God. Each one of us needs to strive for that good, acceptable and perfect will of God. Even though man was separated from God because of sin, God has given us a way to discover His will – and He has given us the power to do it.

God has good plans for you, (Jeremiah 29:11). He doesn’t want what is worst for you; He wants what is best for you. You will always be happier being in the middle of His will. “Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10).

Finally, regardless of your position in life should you be, married, divorced, single, or never been married; the one thing we know as Christians is through every season God holds us in the palm of His hand. Be encouraged that regardless of your age, your income or your situation, trust and seek God. Who better knows your heart than God? Embrace your singleness and begin to search yourself, seek to become all God has called you to be first. Become whole and sanctified in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Our purpose – “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37)


George  Pidgeon